Bob’s blog

Montreal on a Sunday morning

2010-03-21T07:51:00.000-07:00

I do so much love to travel, but I do have my days and this morning it was the freakin hotel laundry machines... I get up early, take my shower, sort my filthy dirty laundry, and rush to the 15th floor to the laundry room... throw in the clothes, pour in the liquid detergent, insert my coins, and....!!!!nothing!!! so for an hour I punch, kick, bite my nails, curse, and howl at the moon and still nothing!!! #^!* and then it occurs to me, when in Canada, use Canadian money.... duh

Can a day get progressively worse??? It started with a washing machine that gobbled up my cash and refused to run.. after an hour of cursing and assuming it would never work, I pitch my dirty socks and undies out the 15th floor window - they rained down across the parking lot like wet leaves... Then the washer started working (after using Canadian coins) so I dashed down the 15 floors amd managed to rescue my dirty socks and undies from the parking lot, well, most of them anyways, one sock was caught on a car antenna that drove away and a couple pairs of my undies had tire tracks on them; (I think from runned over by a car)

So then I head to breakfast and wouldn't you know it, yep, spilled my coffee into my lap :o not only a big stain, but also warm and moist... and no undies... how embarrassing, and in a public restaurant ... Aghhhhhh... so I stuff the paper napkin into by belt like an indian loincloth to hide myself, run to the elevator and jump in only to find it full of women all making fun of me - speaking French... I can never leave this room again :(

Alas, things are getting better, starting to look up, I learned a new word in French. "de javelisant" and what does that mean you may ask? it means 'bleach' and how would I come to know that word you may ask... well let me explain;

I was amazed at the low cost of laundry detergent here in Montreal, course I cant read the label but it is right on the shelf with the Tide and I can recognize that container regardless of the language on the label... I dumped a healthy dose of De Javelisant into my laundry this morning and... My whites are so much brighter, and so are the leopard spots and tiger stripes on my brand new Navy Blue Dockers... oh ya baby, life is good

Arachnophobia from Texas

2010-01-05T16:04:00.001-08:00

Arachnophobia is defined as an inordinate fear of spiders. This phobia can often be triggered by the thought of or sometimes even a picture of a spider. A serious case of arachnophobia is much different than someone who doesn't like spiders.

We returned home from Texas, unpacked our bags and this ugly critter sprang out of a box and attacked!!!

The massive beast leaped into my hand in a single bound and started gnawing at the fleshy portion of my fingers.

I reacted swiftly however and was able to subdue the beast. I wrestled him down like the mangy dog he was and contained him in a tennis ball holder. Unfortunately the neighbors cat thought it was a large rat and let it escape. The last time I saw the beast he was riding that old cat across the snowdrifts of the front yard. The cat was screaming in pain as the spiders sharp pointy teeth pierced his neck

Thanksgiving in Pearland Texas 2009

2009-11-24T05:00:00.000-08:00

Start with a little menage a trois, that always gets the party started...

Then carve up the big ugly bird. Make sure that you cut off his head and pluck off the feathers before you toss it into the oven. Our first Thanksgiving feast was a disaster when the feathers caught fire and the turkey kicked open the oven door and jumped out. With his head still attached he was able to leap out the window and make his escape. We were forced to eat Thanksgiving dinner at the Burger King.

Then toast to the bountiful feast, give thanks for the delicious wine, real butter and a full olive tray... Cranberries shaped like a can, lumpy mashed potatoes, stuffing and fresh corn; mmmmm

This is the first time in 37 years that we have cooked a Thanksgiving turkey dinner for just the two of us, we sure do miss the kids and the grandkids and the dogs and cats.

We are thankful for all we have and we cant wait to get home.

Happy Thanksgiving

Texas boots and a red car

2009-10-22T16:28:00.000-07:00

My new cowboy boots so I don't get snake bit or step in any cow poop. Also useful for riding horses but I don't have a horse.

Instead, I have this little sports car so the boots don't help at all.

But they are useful for keeping my feet dry.

Luck of an old fool

2009-03-15T10:50:00.000-07:00

Just a short blog to explain my most excellent luck this year. Let me explain, no, let me summarize. It all started when I met this very young woman on an airplane ride to somewhere, I don't remember the destination but anyway, this young woman ask if she could spend the night with me in my hotel. I had to say "no" because I am a married man but it is an indication of the kind of luck I have been having.

On a trip to the Boston area, I was robbed while in my motel room. I woke up to find two burglars in my room and making off with my stuff. I jumped to my feet and shouted "hey what the hell are you doing" at which point the burglars swung around and seeing me standing there with my sword drawn - dashed from my room. Again I shouted a couple obscenities and dashed after them. In their haste to escape my wrath and my mighty sword, the scoundrels dropped my laptop and jumped the twenty feet to the ground below. The made off into the night with my cell phone and my Rolex watch (It is really a Timex) but hey, it is my story.

After that I got a call to go to Algeria, not the most pleasant of places for a westerner but, it is my job so I applied for my Algerian Visa. Can you believe it, the passport with all the stamps from around the world was lost at the Algerian Consulate. So now I am at home for the first weekend in maybe two months. That is a good thing. I met this woman here who claims to be my wife, I hope she is otherwise I am in trouble... Well, sorry but I dont have any pictures to go with this blog, it is just because I havent updated this in a while.

Vina Del Mar Burger King Adventure

2008-12-06T06:16:00.000-08:00

I went to the Burger king yesterday but when I got my whopper there was a huge pile on top of it. It was some sort of guacamole crap with their own blend of sugar and green tomatoes added to it. You get more sauce than burger and the locals even add more! What you end up with is a so called burger with a pukey green color mixture with some kind of mayonnaise on top of it, I mean pewee. Yuck!!!

As I opened my bun I began to scrape all that pukey stuff off into the garbage. What a mess. At my attempt to remove all that stuff it got all over my fingers. Since the locals are afraid you might steal a paper napkin you were only allowed one! That being the one they issued with the meal. So now my hand is full of pukey green sauce mixed with mayonnaise and crumbs from a dry bun and I have no where to wipe it off except the inside of my coat pocket. So now my nice leather coat has a pocket full of green pukey stuff mixed with mayonnaise and dried bun crumbs that smells like the south end of a north bound mule after eating wet oats. But what the hell eh, I figure I can get a Coca~Cola and flush it down, use the ice to wash my fingers, use the cup to pee in, and play Frisbee with the lid. But nooooooo, they give you a 4 ounce antique coffee cup with the fold out handles that is made of thick wax paper! And since the lid did not come with an open spout I spilled the entire contents down the front of my shirt.

So now there is no Coca Cola to rinse the horrible taste out of my mouth. There is no ice to wash my slimy green hands and the cup is too small to hold what I can shake out of my pecker after I pee. My pocket is full of pukey green stuff and I smell like a horse.

As I walked the street back to my motel room I couldn't help notice that a lot of young pretty girls were smiling at me, well ok, they were outright laughing at me; but hey whatever works for my own ego right?? Any way as soon as I got to my room I had my answer. In my haste to pee in the little cup I had inadvertently slipped my hand into the green slime in my pocket then with the same hand had unzipped my trousers and pulled out Mr. Johnson and pee'd in the four ounce paper cup with the fold out handles on it. The green slime was now surrounding my zipper on my trousers and giving the slight appearance of a Christmas wreath wrapped around my pecker. My pecker now adorned with the green slime kind of resembles the Grinch with the head all green and a little white puff at the tip . Well, that is my story for today and I am sticking to it as well as my pants...........

St. Martin Vacation 2008 - Oh Baby

2008-10-20T06:53:00.000-07:00

This is only my second attempt with this blogging thing and I was sure that my first blog would pretty much cover the entire year of 2008, but then Brenda and I finally took that vacation to the Orient Beach in St Martin and it was soooooo fun that I just have to tell you all about it. We found this beach during our Cruise of 1998, ten years ago now, and have always wanted to return. This time we spent the entire week on the beach, no sailing about for us, just playing in the water and drinking wine, beer, rum and a host of other alcohol beverages. If you read Brenda's blog then you know that the Orient Beach is a nude resort on the island of St. Martin.

We met a lot of very friendly people there and became charter members in the Birthday Suit Apparel Company. As members, we were immediately recruited into the sales team, our duty was to talk the clothes off the curious people that strolled along the beach enjoying the view (and I'm not talking the sunsets and splashing waves). We had a large supply of cheap bead necklaces to offer as bribes to get the clothes off of the rubber necks. It was a riot, it is amazing how many young women are so willing to strip off their clothes for a cheap stringer of beads. And talk about getting hugs and kisses from naked women on the beach, to say it was very exhilarating is an understatement.

Each day we also participated in ball races, we carried our balls out into the water and then cut them loose and chased them to shore. First balls in, last balls in, third ball in, furthest down the beach,... Oh, and we had to name our balls so we could identify them floating along the waves. There was a large group that participated in the ball races each day and each day of racing would attract new participants. One of the race events was to hold your balls and float to shore, no kicking or paddling, quite the event, you never quite knew where your ball would carry you or who you might run into bobbing up and down on the waves. I should let every one know that the balls we used were beach balls, we had to blow up our own ball, name it, decorate it, then join in the race events.

And speaking of blowing the balls, I got a temporary tattoo on my hip, a curious gecko peeking through the short curlies, I had to wait an hour for the ink to dry before I could get into the ball races. I proudly stood, hands on hips as the young female tattoo artist knelt in front of me and painted the little critter on me in a very close proximity to a very private area. As soon as she finished painting, a host of other women took turns blowing the ink dry. It was extremely difficult trying to keep a strait face and a not so strait appendage. Some of the blow dryers missed the target gecko, I am not sure but I think they did it on purpose, I am not complaining, it did feel good.

Brenda got a tramp stamp painted across the top of her butt cleavage. She didn't get the blow drying routine that I enjoyed but she did get a lot of close scrutiny from a host of gentlemen, and with the observations, she also had plenty of close up viewings. A few of the gents added some criticism and pointed out a pattern, changing a few things here or there and touching out the imaginary tracings of where they thought the pattern should extend. I believe that Brenda did enjoy all the attention to her lovely back side, she was smiling and I think she must be smoking too much because her breathing did seem to quicken a bit as the gents were admiring and touching her new tattoo.

I should mention that we also enjoyed our second hurricane while we stayed there, that in itself was an experience. Our original cabin was a wooden structure so the staff of the resort paired us up with another couple to ride out the hurricane in a one room concrete cabin. Now lets not be worrying, we did not participate in any activity that might produce a social disease but we did get a good massage. We slept in the bed and the other couple slept in the fold out sofa.

Picture 1 is Brenda and I strolling along the beach after the hurricane, cameras are not allowed usually but this picture was taken without anyone else on the beach.

Picture 2 is of our first cabin.

Picture 3 is a view of the beach from or last cabin

Picture 4 and 5 is our tattoos

Life of Danger...Disaster follows in my wake

2008-09-21T05:45:00.000-07:00

2008, The year of the big blow

I make a living traveling the globe seeking excitement and that adrenalin rush that keeps blood pumping through my veins. This year I was fortunate enough to have experienced my first volcano, my first earthquake, and my first hurricane, life is good.

The 3,300 ft. Chaiten Volcano, 800 miles south of the Chilean capital Santiago, is erupting for the first time in thousands of years, sending a plume of ash into the sky that stretches as far as Argentina.
It is also spewing out chunks of lava and hot rock. Authorities have already evacuated around 4,200 people from the town of Chaiten, six miles from the volcano, Rescue is complicated by the fact that southern Chile is fragmented by fjords and access is often difficult.

I was some distance north when the volcano erupted, camped by the mighty Pacific ocean in the village of Concon near Valparaiso. My room was situated on the fourth floor of the Radison resort hotel and waves from the ocean crashing on the rocks below sent surges of water spraying into my room. Sleep came easy as the hotel shook to the rhythmic beat of the crashing waves.

On my second visit to Chile I stayed at a different location but the second trip had some minor excitement as well. While climbing around the partially constructed facility I began to sway and shake. I thought for a moment that I was having a reaction to some old rock and roll flashback but then realized that I was being motivated by the actual structure that I was standing. My analytical brain deduced that the structure was falling apart because it was assembled with only half the bolts. I later learned that we had suffered a minor earthquake, It was only a 3.2 on the Rictor scale, I've had worse.

My travels then took me to Texas just in time for Hurricane Ike. I took plenty of movies of this experience so I will let the movies speak for me.

If I recall this year in reverse it has an astounding effect, consider this: First there were massive surges, causing a flood. Then the blowing started, gusty and strong, first the low pressure then the high pressure with a huge vaccume at the center sucking the surge to the surface. The earth began to shake and quiver and finally the massive eruption spewing a huge plume of white miles into the air. Old mother nature sure is a sexy babe, she brought me plenty of excitement this year, it doesn't get much better than this. I feel like having a smoke now : )